Out of My Hands
by VerityFrancesB
Summary: Companion piece to Long Time Coming, this time from Ziva's point of view.


**Out of My Hands**

This is a companion piece to Long Time Coming. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed that piece. You don't need to read that first but it might help.

I own nothing, unfortunately!!

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_I never meant to fall for DiNozzo, I tried as hard as I could to stop myself, but it was completely out of my hands, there was something about him, something about his childishness, his constant need to quote movies, his irritating need to massage his own ego which made it hard to ignore. Underneath it all he is a good man, a fiercely loyal partner, a generous lover and a great friend. I don't know how it happened but I suddenly found myself missing his movie quotes when he wasn't around, waiting for him to come off the elevator in the morning, no doubt singing to himself and boasting about some bimbo, I found myself smiling more, singing in the shower and actually giggling! I have never giggled in my life and suddenly this man (boy) is in my life and I have turned into a 15 year old girl. It makes me so angry, it is all his fault, damn him and the way his eyes wrinkle when he laughs!_

_I guess I should have noticed myself falling; I didn't until it was too late and I had fallen, flat on my face, for my partner. I tried desperately to crawl back up to the indifference that I felt before but nothing worked. Whenever I was around him, my heart fluttered, my breath hitched in my throat…see? 15 year old girl! This was no way for a Mossad trained assassin to act. _

_I remember when Jeanne (I can hardly bring myself to say her name) found out about him and left, I remember how hurt he was even though he refused to show it. That time I followed him into the bathroom, he only lashed out at me because he wanted the focus off himself, for once he didn't want attention, that is when I knew it was bad. I tried being normal around him, baiting him back to the way it was before, gently cajoling him to argue with me, but for a while it didn't work. When he did argue back though I almost wished that that he didn't…almost. _

_I don't know when I realised that I was in love with Tony, was it when we were locked in that crate together? Or when he stayed by my side as I disarmed two bombs? But now I am here, snuggled up beside him, pretending to be asleep, and doing a pretty good job of it too, if his fingers tracing patterns on my back are anything to go by, I realise that it doesn't matter when it happen, just that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I love this man. Gibbs be damned; I love him. _

_Earlier that day:_

_The day had started just the same as any other. I was sitting at my desk when he walked in, I should say bounded in like an excited puppy. McGee was already at his desk furiously typing away and Gibbs was either terrorising (flirting with) Jenny or getting coffee. Tony bounced up to my desk and practically sang good morning to me, leaving no doubt in my mind what he had been up to the night before (or what he claimed to have been up to), I suppressed the bubble of anger that threatened to find its way to the surface. _

"_Gooooood morning, Zee-Vah." His eyes tinkled, and I readied myself for an onslaught of 'guess what I did last night's'. _

"_Guess what I did last night?" I mentally sighed; sometimes I thought I knew him too well._

"_By your mood I would say that you, what do you say? ' got some', yes?" I answered, tasting the bitterness of jealousy in my mouth. _

"_Now, Ziva, I know you think I am a God, but contrary to popular belief, I do not 'get some' every night, in fact I actually had a James Bond marathon movie watching session last night, so be prepared for some awesome quotes today." He sat down and put his feet up on his desk and his hands behind his head. _

"_Don't we get that every day?" McGee piped up from his desk._

"_Probie!" He snapped and I saw Tim visibly flinch, "James Bond is probably the greatest secret agent of all time. The suits, the women, the drink…the gadgets, he deserves to be quoted." Tim just rolled his eyes and carried on doing what ever he was doing, I wasn't pay attention to him, only to Tony at that moment. _

"_Where's Gibbs?" He asked, just as Gibbs came up behind him._

"_Right behind you DiNozzo" He replied, slapped him on the back of the head, and told him to get on with work. "We have no case yet today, so paper work please, if that is ok with you James?" He asked smiling at my Bond obsessed colleague, to which Tony just spluttered, picked up a file, and waved it at Gibbs._

"_On it Boss" He replied._

_The day past like any other boring paper work filled day, thank God it was a Friday, and we weren't on call, at least it meant we could go home at a reasonable time. At some point during the morning Tony was pissing me off even more than he usually does. It seems so trivial now; it is funny how things get blown out of proportion when there is sexual tension. We were arguing about who was going to get lunch, at first it was just normal bickering, then it turned into a full on war with paper clips flying from all directions, when I picked up my stapler and readied to throw it at him, a strong hand closed around my wrist. _

"_That's enough," Gibbs said, "Why do I feel like a father with two wayward children with you two? Both of you, conference room, and don't come back till you sort it out." He grabbed us both by the elbows and marched us to the elevators, Tony and I both protesting and McGee suppressing laughter behind us, no doubt filming it on his cell. Gibbs practically threw us in and pressed the close button. Once the doors closed I reached past Tony and flicked on the emergency stop switch. I glared at him; "I hate you" I spat. I really did, at that moment I would have killed him with my bare hands had he not grabbed my jacket and pulled me to him. "Oh really Zee-Vah?" He practically purred half an inch from my face, and then bought his lips crashing down onto mine. My heart stopped from the surprise and it took me a few seconds to realise what was happening. I thought he was trying to shut me up so I pushed him away, mentally willing him to steady himself for the tirade that was just about to be released. But when I looked in his eyes and saw not laughter or triumph at quietening me, but desire, anger and the faintest hint of hurt at me pushing him away, I pulled him back towards me. God, what a kisser he is. Gentle yet forceful. I dimly remember him pushing me against the wall and hitching me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I pulled his shirt out and explored his chest, which I had seen so often and wanted to spread my hands out on its expanse, to feel the hairs between my fingers, but I never dared. But as my fingers grazed his waistband he pulled away. Immediately I thought that he had come to his senses until he cupped my face in his hands and said, "We will finish this later, ok?" Truth be told I didn't actually think that we would finish it later and he obviously saw that in my eyes and gave my hand a quick squeeze as the elevator doors re-opened. Gibbs smirked at us "Sort everything out, you two?" I turned to Tony who looked as though he had just seen a goat…no ghost, and I gave him a quick wink before I replied, "Not really, I still hate him" and I sat down at my desk and glared at Tony, willing him to see the desire and promise in my eyes, I think he did because he grimly smiled at me. _

_The rest of the afternoon was torture, so when McGee went to see Abby and Gibbs went for coffee I took the opportunity and walked over the Tony's desk. I placed my hands on it and leaned forward. I have always found it better to be forward and scare a man away than to be too shy and bore him away. "Shall we finish what we started?" I asked and I noticed that he gulped, well, well, well, Tony DiNozzo, scared of a woman. "Don't tell me you are scared, De Nozzo?" I asked, I liked that fact that he was squirming. He seemed to get a hold of himself and stood up, mirroring my stance. He said that he wasn't scared and that he wanted to hear me scream but somewhere less public than the bullpen. I could feel my face redden and by the time he had answered me, our faces were so close that I could feel his breath on my lips, I wanted to taste him again, but just as I was thinking about doing it…"DiNozzo! Are you two at it again?" Gibbs had arrived back from his caffeine dealer and was smirking at Tony. Tony just spluttered some stupid remark and sat down. I tried as hard as I could to concentrate for the rest of the day, but nothing I did seemed to help. _

_When we were relieved at around 6, we all practically ran to the elevators and jumped into our cars. Tony and I had a silent agreement that I would follow him to his apartment. As he closed the front door, he pulled me to him again. His lips hovered over mine for far too long till I filled the space between them. He pulled my jacket off and walked backwards towards what I could only assume at the time was his bedroom, although I wouldn't have minded where we were going, as long as there were no clothes involved. Somehow we reached his bed and he pulled me onto his lap and reached behind me to take off my bra. His fingers grazed down my spine and in spite of myself I shivered in anticipation. I kissed him at the base of his neck and inhaled his unique scent. There is nothing quite like Tony's smell, he smells like aftershave, rain and man. He rolled me over so he was on top of me and he stared down at me. "What?" I asked. He looked down at me and smiled, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes made me lose myself and no matter what he said, at the moment I hadn't been happier. "God, you're beautiful" He replied and I smiled back at him and pulled him down to me. I dimly remember screaming his name as he took me over the edge, him holding me and his fingers tangled in my hair till we both fell asleep._

_That was the first time that anyone had ever called me beautiful. I gave myself to Tony completely 3 times that night, and never had I felt such contentment, such pleasure, we fit perfectly together. I wanted to tell him that I loved him but I thought that he might run, I wanted to tell him that I didn't care about Gibbs, that I would gladly transfer if it meant I could spend the rest of my life, like I am right now, snuggled up against him, comfortably numb, warm and safe. _

_So, here I lie, with my legs tangled up in his, and his hand stroking my back. "What are you thinking?" I ask him, dreading the answer._

"_Just that I would gladly face Gibbs just to hear you scream one more time." I forget what was said after that. He, Anthony DiNozzo would face an angry Gibbs to be with me. What more can a girl want? The next thing I know I am giggling, actually giggling, like a…15 year old girl (what did I tell you?). To be fair, I hate being tickled, which is the only thing (apart from Tony super gluing McGee to his desk) that can make me giggle. He suddenly stops and looks intently at me._

"_Ziva…I," he stutters, oh crap, I think, this is where he tells me that he is not over Jeanne. I reach up to stroke his face, to try and put him at ease, to let him know that whatever he says, I will be fine._

"_What is it my little hairy butt?" I ask, hoping that he will remember the nickname that I used when we were undercover._

"_I…uh…love you, you know?" Honest to God, I could have died then and there and not minded._

"_Good, " I replied, thinking, ok Ziva, this is it, now tell him, "because I love you too, you big spoon."_

"_Goon." He can't help but correct me, even when I am naked and lying underneath him, he still has to correct me. I pull him down and flip him over so he is under me now. I see the desire in his eyes and know we are in for a long weekend, and hopefully every weekend for the rest of my life will be like this._

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I hope you like it.

V!

xo


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